Sunday Sleep Dilemma

Q: What are some ways I can deal with my child when he wakes up crying and screaming because he has had a nightmare?

A: Getting woken up in the middle of the night in and of itself can be a frustrating experience, so stay calm- be patient... If your child has come to your room, I suggest walking him back to his room. If he is in his own room screaming go to his room. In your sleepy haze identify if this is a nightmare or night terror (see the post from May 21).

Now, that you have identified it as a nightmare try and calm him down- usually you being there and holding him will do just that. If needed, you may have to take him potty or get him a drink of water (possibly place one on his night stand before bed). Once he has calmed down, you can ask him to tell you why he is so upset. Then you can talk to him about it and how funny things can happen in our heads- try to understand his fears and make sure not to make fun of them. At this point you may want to help him think about telling the bad guys to "go away". If you are a praying family you can pray for him and pray for the room. You can look around the room and talk about how safe it is and how safe the house is and how close mommy and daddy are to his room. "Communicate the idea of safety over and over again (NSF)." "Teach your child coping skills and alternative ways to respond." Keep in mind that he needs to go back to sleep and get needed rest (as do you- which I'm sure is ringing in your head). Make sure he is calm when you prepare to leave him. He may start to freak out when you actually leave- at that point you can say that you will leave the door open a crack for tonight if you want. Nightmares can be difficult to deal with, below is a list of possible strategies to try.

Nightmare prevention strategies (of course these are not fool proof):

-Consider everything that your child puts into his mind- TV, movies, video games- and remember each child and the way they process things is different
-Consider any undue stresses you or your husband inadvertently put on your child- arguing, talking about stressful situations...
-Consider any other negative situations that could be provoking the nightmares (kids at school...)
-Spend some time in the dark at other times- play flashlight tag or read a story in the dark with a flashlight. Even clean or play under bed, in their closet, or wherever seems scary- "Make friends with the dark."
-Be wary to bring your child into your bed- if you do it may quickly become your child's way of coping with nightmares- habits are formed quickly.
-Be wary of introducing a light on, nightlight, door open, or other such thing that may end up hindering sleep- be deliberate about the choices you make. Some suggest that the nightlight may suggest that darkness is something to fear.
-Give your child some resources to use during the nightmare: tell the child that he/she can tell the 'bad guy or bad thing' to "go away" or tell the child to choose to not go to the scary place in the dream.
-Add something to your bedtime routine: prayer for the situation and protection during dreaming, a snack (complex carbohydrate and protein combo), take some extra time to calm down before bedtime (soothing music, mellow story time- think about the books you are reading).
-After the nightmare: have the child tell you the "story" of it and have each family member (or whomever) change the ending to a happy ending where the "child surmounts of obstacle".
-Leave a cup of water on their night stand- don't bring them water in the night.
-Monitor your child's nightmares- if they become extreme or too often you may want to consult a doctor.

Resources used:
-Laurie Walker, "How to Stop Nightmares in Children"
-Sleep Foundation, "Children and Bedtime Fears and Nightmares"
-Marc Weisbluth, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child

Other Resources You May Want to Check Out:
- Alan Siegel, "Nightmare Remedies"
-American Academy of Sleep Medicine, "Sleeping Scared: Nightmares in Children"
-Center for Effective Parenting, "Nightmares"