Sleep Dilemma

Q: How do I keep my independent three- year old in his big boy bed?

A: There are a number of options for attacking this problem... all of which you may have to try in an attempt to rectify the situation... and you will have to figure out what works for your child.

• Set an appropriate bedtime based on your child's age-appropriate sleep needs.
  
• Make sure that you have a calming, consistent, and concise bedtime routine- possibly a bath, a story (not a library but a couple and not TV in place of a story), and to bed- avoid long drawn out routines, lists of excuses, and whatever else your creative child may conjure up.
• Have children get a drink and go potty before you put them in bed- take care of those inevitable excuses before they use them.
  
• Take the sleep environment into consideration. Turn off the lights- a dark room triggers sleep. Other sleep environment pluses: cool temperature, quiet, white noise.
• Maybe your child needs something comforting to sleep with: stuffed animal, blanket.
• Development of nighttime fears is normal and common at this age- leave their door open a crack if that helps them feel better, but I would avoid leaving bedroom lights on or forming any other habits that you don't want to continue. Also, think about the things that they watch- we don't want to give them something for their fears to feed on.

So, that covers everything to do to help prepare your child to stay in bed and fall asleep easily.

BUT, what if they don't stay in bed?

• Create a list of sleep rules along these lines: stay in bed, lay still, stay quiet, go to sleep (suggested from Healthy Sleep Habits). Go over these with your child before they go to sleep. Maybe demonstrate what this looks like or coach them through each of these actions, "Show me how you close your eyes sweetie." etc.
• If they get out of bed, silently walk them back to their room/bed. Don't give them any positive or negative attention- anything to converse about or add to staying up later. Do this again and again if it happens.
• Create an award system. Possibly give them a sticker on a card each night that they stay in their bed and when they get five stickers they get ___. Whatever is motivating to them.
• Call me or another sleep consultant to help you and your child get the sleep you need.
  

Saturday Sleep Tip

Set an early and appropriate bedtime and STICK TO IT. Preschoolers need between 10.5 and 13 hours of sleep a night. Toddlers need between 12 and 14 hours of sleep per night. Figure out what time they wake up or what time they have to be up for preschool or whatever your morning needs are and decide on a bedtime accordingly. Fight against falling into their persuasions of staying up later. Good luck.

A New Baby in the House: Toddler Reaction

My son has been a good sleeper since he was born. I was very deliberate about his sleep- routine, making sure he got enough, etc. When my third child was born... he began to act out during sleep times- naps, bedtime. He would get up immediately after being put down- not something we had ever dealt with before. For a couple days I would try comforting him (feeling sorry for him being displaced somewhat by the new baby); I'd take him back to bed when he got up... Nothing worked and it got worse- he skipped a nap, went to sleep too late... All things that I couldn't deal with with a newborn and lack of sleep myself. One night I took him back to bed 84 times from 7pm to 8:45 pm. I gave him no attention but taking him back to his bed. The idea was not to give him positive or negative attention. This ended up turning into a game for him. So, I ended up holding his door closed so he couldn't get out. He cried for 20 minutes and then went to sleep for the night. I did this for his nap and bedtime the next day- he cried for five minutes each time and then went to sleep. The next day, he just checked that he couldn't get out and went to sleep. This solved our sleep problem.

Later, I read that I could have kept trying the "taking him back" approach and after a few days he would have stayed in bed. I don't think that would have worked in our situation: tired mom, breastfeeding, overtired toddler...